A long, long time
by April122002
Summary: Bella dreams of invisibility, but struggles to achieve it. Edward has a messy family, love of art and music, and a huge collection of phone numbers- women shove them in his pocket wherever he goes. He is destined... to break her heart a thousand times.
1. Love will abide Take things in stride

**A/N: I don't own the** **characters. I know this start is a little slow, please hang in** **there. Thank you so much for reading.**

About me- Isabella Swan. Short, round and goofy as hell. Well... I am not THAT short (5'1 on a good day). And I know I'm a typical teenage girl with body image issues, because I saw a photo of myself and didn't even recognize myself. THAT is me? Why do all the kids tease me if I look like that! I always joke that instead of an hour glass figure, I am cursed with a month-glass. Way too big on top and bottom with a freakishly small waist. No clothes ever fit me. Always pants are too big in the waist, tight in the hips, and way too long. Same with shirts, too low cut, sleeves too long, buttons straining across my chest. In my mind, I am as big as an elephant, and I worry all the time- will that chair hold me? Will I have to squeeze through the door? I think part of my problem is that once when I was a pre-teen, my mom said to me "That is why you are fat as a pig, always with your nose in a book!" That stuck to me, and I have always felt like i am the fat one in the room, while everyone else is perfect. I am very vulnerable to teasing, and for whatever reason, the boys at school LOATHE me. I broke my nose a long time ago, when my sister and I tried to jump the whole stairs and I smashed into the wall. I never went to a doctor or anything, but I knew it broke, and I had two black eyes for a week after. I struggle to breathe sometimes, and end up a mouth breather. The guys like to call me Darth Vader. They snicker at me when I walk by, and I am very careful about what I wear and what I do. One time the jerky guy with the locker next to me, Tom, saw me reaching for something on the higher shelf in my locker and started calling me Torpedo Tits. What a douchenozzle. And he is supposed to be so popular and great. I don't even want anything to do with any boy that thinks it is funny to ridicule someone's body parts or humiliate someone. It's people like Tom that have made me hate school so much. He and his endless pack of friends make it a big sport to try to make me mad or make me cry or something like we're in the third grade. I'd never admit it, but it is really kind of terrifying to walk past them knowing they will be snickering about my body while breathing like Darth Vader. I'm practically flunking school because I refused to come out of the locker room for swimming without a t-shirt on, and our pervy gym teacher made a rule on the spot- no t-shirts. So I never went back, and failed phys ed. I would rather flunk out any day than let those bastards see me in my bathing suit.

I am probably the best listener on the planet, and no one ever notices that I haven't revealed anything about myself in the exchange. I tend to be friends with people who are very self-involved, and play the wingman. Or third wheel, in most cases. I read everything, always. I am a lot smarter than my grade point reflects. That is because I ditch school every chance I get. So I have no problem pulling it together so I can get outta here ahead of schedule. I figure i will find some crappy minimum wage job and work as many hours as I can to save for school, since apparently I will be attending whatever glorious institution will accept my crappy SAT scores and 2.0 GPA. I suck at taking standardized tests. I think too critically, and become convinced they are trying to trick me, and talk myself into choosing the total wrong answer. Oh, well. I never really cared about going to college, so I will just deal with the consequences. My mom and my school counselor decided that I will apply to three schools, and basically filled out the applications for me. At this point, I only have three weeks left before I can wrap up this whole high school nightmare and move on.


	2. Sounds like good advice

**AN: I don't own the characters. Story is rated M, some adult themes. Also, I made up Eastern College. Still a couple of chapters before Edward comes on the scene, but we should meet Jasper next chapter.**

Wrapping up high school was seriously amazing. I woke up in the middle of the morning after my last day with lightness in my heart and angels singing in the background, knowing I had nowhere to be and no one to hide from. I had a list of places to check out for a job, but even that did not worry me at all. Only temporary. And maybe I could try to be a little bit friendly, now that I am out of the high school compression chamber. I feel like my whole self is wrapped in clouds of cotton or something. I have never felt connected to anyone or anything, really. I get emotional needs met through books. I am a reading junkie. I will read ANYTHING. I have read all the science fiction on my dad's shelf, and all the cheesy romances my mom reads. I read political theory, and teen junk. It is like falling off a cliff for me, I immediately immerse myself into whatever I am reading, and hide from the world. If my mom calls me in for dinner or something when I am in that zone, I get a flash of irritation, and just want to hide with my book. I have no attention span for TV. I love music, though. Like books, I can lose myself in music, no matter what the genre. I used to be a total orchestra geek, I played the violin through middle school. I wish I would have kept it up, but I did not want to be center stage in any way, so I did what I always do. I dropped out.

The best thing about reading is that it is a solely solitary activity. All the teen girls in the books I read always have a pack of friends to hang with. I think that would be ideal, because it is easy to be anonymous in a big group. I just have not been able to get in that groove. My best friend Joy moved to a new school freshman year, when we were 14. Girlfriend was batshit insane. And a big mess, she used to get her ass kicked on a regular basis. I pretended to be bummed about the whole moving disaster, but was pretty much relieved to see her go. My other close friend Rachel is knocked up, and is getting married to her nasty 26 year old boyfriend Carl. I had a stupid fling with Carl's gorgeous 24 year old brother Ron when I was 16. That man is totally evil. He isn't so ridiculously intellectual or anything, but is completely delicious to look at, and he could charm anyone. Ron has a Corvette and his own house, too. Not to mention biceps, dimples, and a very masculine way about him that has all the girls swooning. I actually met him at his house- Rachel and I went over there to pick something up for Carl, and I was sitting in Ron's living room when he walked in the house. He stopped dead in the middle of the room and openly ogled me with his mouth hanging open. Of course, I thought this was love at first sight, right? He sat down next to me and talked and flirted and invited me to a party at Carl's for the upcoming weekend. I was already planning on going, anyway. I was totally floored that Ron liked me. It does seem like men in their 20s or 30s are more likely to be interested in me then the high school boys. I try to think it is because I am emotionally mature, and very intellectual, but the evidence shows otherwise.

I am pretty embarrassed that I let him talk me into the hook-up; I can't imagine what I was thinking. Everyone knows about it, too, since it was at a party. What kind of grown man attends a party to get head from a teenager? He was really persuasive talking me into the whole thing. He was completely focused on me from the minute he got there, bringing me drinks and asking me questions and looking at me intently, like I was the only person there. I was drunk, too. It probably would have been even worse, but we were on a fold-out bed in a back room without a door, and people kept walking through. I am swearing off tequila for life. I really wish that I played a lot harder to get. Or at least told him to take me to his house or a hotel or something. You would think that he would want to treat me well, so I don't turn him over to the police or some shit. I found out recently he was living with some woman the whole time. What a jerk. For months and months after the hook-up, I daydreamed about him and fabricating a whole loving relationship between the two of us, even though he could not be bothered to call me even one time. I eventually had to see him several times because of Rachel and Carl's wedding. I actually had to walk down the aisle with him, which was beyond embarrassing. He really has no shame about using me the way he did, and he makes lewd comments too me and about me. I have also had two of his twenty-something friends come on to me in a very aggressive way. I have taken to wearing really baggy clothes and no make-up, and hiding behind Rachel every chance I get. I would love to just hole up in my house and never come out, but that isn't too pleasant a place, either. I try to banter and play it off like it is all in a day's work for me.

The truth is I have not ever had a boyfriend at all. It seems like every guy I meet just wants a hook-up, and has no interest in even making any false promises or anything where I can even pretend that I got tricked. I have never been on a real date, and never even really talked to any of the boys at my high school. Like I said, they all have hated me since sixth grade. I am hoping once I get out of this town, I can meet some guys my own age who have a little bit of depth, and want to look me in the face. Because honestly, I know that my best asset is my ridonkulous rack. I told Ron that I was still a virgin, hoping he might show me some mercy in the pressure he was putting on me. He looked at me in shock and said, "Baby, you ARE sex. You are going to need a bodyguard to keep the dogs off you once you grow up." Even though as a group, the guys I know treat me really terribly, I am pretty obsessed with the idea of men. I think I am a dolt of a romantic, who would fall in love in about three seconds if someone was even NICE to me. I remember reading a Maya Angelou quote, "I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." I think this sounds like good advice. That is why I stay quiet and invisible. I am biding my time until I have a chance to shed the cotton, and feel like a real girl/woman. Of the three schools I applied to, I only got into one. I will be attending Eastern College, a huge public school about an hour away from where I grew up. I imagine most students there don't have many other choices, just like me. I don't know whether to dread it or look forward to it, but I am going to enjoy my extra time off before I go, and work some mindless gig, sleep late, read and secretly play my violin in my room. And do my best to be open to talking to people and socializing.


	3. But there is no one at my side

**AN: I don't own the characters. Thank you for reading.  
**

Ch 4. But there is no one at my side

I meet the mailman at the door. I know today is the day I get my room assignment. I had a bad feeling. Freshman dorms were separated by gender. Boys, in Phillips, girls in Putman Building. I assumed I would place in Putman. But when I open the envelope, it says Walters dorm, room 112. Apparently, the Freshman dorm was oversold, so some people got put in with the older students, and Walton was co-ed by suite. There was a letter from the housing department letting me know that because of the lack of housing, some Freshman would be put into rooms that had previously been singles. I am paired with a 24 year old woman who had this room as a single the past two years. Somehow, I know she would not be thrilled with sharing with a barely-18 year old who has never been away from home except for three weeks at summer camp.

My parents drove me up to school on a Sunday, and came up and met my roommate, Tanya. The rooms are set up with two cots, two desks and two dressers. Tanya had what should have been my bed set up as a daybed/couch. Her things were in all the drawers, and there were stacks of clothes on what should have been my desk chair. The room was connected to the room next door by a bathroom. The two rooms plus the bathroom made up the suite. My dad stepped up and introduced himself with a charming smile. "Hi, I am Charlie Swan." Tanya looked up at him and said "I expected Bella tomorrow; I will get all my stuff out of your way." My dad is so matter of fact. He looked around with a quirked eyebrow. Tanya smiled sweetly, and for a moment I thought it was going to be all okay. I shooed my parents out of the room, suddenly feeling like a little kid. Once they were gone, two other women walked in through the bathroom from the room next door. They introduced themselves as Irina and Kate, and told me that the three of them have been suitemates for years. They all three sat on Tanya's bed. Tanya looked at me, and said "I know this is not your fault, believe me. But you cannot stay in my room with me, I will freak out. You have 48 hours to find somewhere else to live. Otherwise, I will throw your stuff out the window first. Then we will throw you out the window to follow. If that doesn't finish you off, the three of us will beat you bloody. Then you can stay at Health Services, and out of my damn way."

I get the picture fast, I know she is not messing around. I grab my keys and smokes and my suitcase and pillow. I have to leave the rest, but I wasn't worried about that right now. I turned right around and leave the room, knowing I will sleep in the dirt before I will crash with this psychopath. I am not scared or surprised, it feels inevitable that I would be stranded here totally alone, with no friends, money, car- nothing. I wander down the hall and find the student lounge. It has some crusty orange built in couches that looked like they had been there since the 1970's, and a TV and some magazines. I sit in there and watch through the door as a couple of other Freshman trickle in, moving in with upper classman. My luck to get in with the ugly sisters step, who would rather cut me than get to know me. Oh well. I start to get situated, catching a talk show on TV. I open a window and light up a cig. A girl walks into the lounge with curly dyed orange hair. She is wearing shorts over tights with Doc Martins, and a vest over a bra. She gives me and my suitcase the eye, and flops on the floor to watch Oprah with me. She says "I'm Jessica. I got here today, from Toledo. I flew up by myself and hauled all my gear from the taxi. My new roommate did not even stop fucking her boyfriend long enough to introduce herself. I need to bleach out my brain from seeing them, she had her legs flung over his shoulders like a porn star when I walked in." I wordlessly offer her a smoke, which she gratefully lights, and we sit back to watch the tube. Jess and I hang in the lounge for the rest of the afternoon, and we decide we'll go to the housing office first thing in the morning and see if there's an empty room somewhere that we can grab, and then we just room together. We go down to the dining hall together and eat dinner. I cannot believe I made a friend this easily. It is a first for me. Later that evening we are hanging out watching the Amazing Race. A guy walks into the room like he owns it. He looks around 21 or so, and kind of a rangy all-American blond in a striped polo and jeans. He has a serious look on his face when he saw my suitcase.

"My name's Mike Newton. I'm the resident advisor for this building. I cannot allow you to stay in the lounge overnight. You'll have to go back to your rooms. Also, there is no smoking in the student lounge. I will be back in a few minutes to check on you." I say "Mike, wait! We can't go back to our rooms, we don't really have anywhere to stay. Both of our roommates made us feel very unwelcome. We'll just be here one night." Mike looked back and forth between Jess and I. He says "Well, I might be able to break the rules for you two. If you will do me a favor." Jess batted her eyes, and gave me a smirk. I squared my shoulders and looked him the eye- "What do you need?" He turned a little pink and said "Well, there is no public shower in the dorm. You can shower in my suite, since I have a private bathroom, all RAs do. So we can talk about this in the morning when you come to my door." He left, and Jess and I cracked up. Stupid pervy RA. I breathe a sigh of relief. We can stay here overnight, and by tomorrow we should get straightened out. I could skip a shower for one morning.

I wake up Monday morning with an optimistic feeling like I everything will get straight. Jess and I are waiting at the housing office bright and early, just waiting until it opens. We sit down with the dean of housing and tell her about our predicament. She said "I am truly sorry, ladies, but we do not have any empty rooms. We have several rooms where one of the people did not make it up to school or had to drop out already, but other than that, the dorms are full. I can give you each a list of people who currently have singles, and you will have to knock on doors until you find someone who is willing to take you on as a roommate." Jess and I each got a list with three names on it.

I take a look at the list she gave me. Three possibilities for a roommate before I get thrown out a window or do "favors" with Mike and live in the lounge. Two of the rooms were in the buildings up the hill, one in Walton the floor above me. I want to stay in Walton if possible, so I decide as soon as I got out of class, i'll go and see her. The card says her name is Angela Webber, age 17, from Seattle. Cool, she must be a Freshman, too. My first college class is English Composition. I sit in class and marvel at the teacher, a young woman with wild hair and blue jeans, who talks about writing with such fire and passion that I was actually dying to start the journal she told us about. I didn't doodle even once. I got out of class and it was a total downpour. I run through the rain. I know I could not go back to 'my' room, so I went to the public restroom in the lobby of the dorm and clean myself up as best I can. My long brown hair is so soaked i can literally wring the water out of it, and my clothes are cemented to me, completely sopping wet. Oh, hell. Now or never. I went up to room 212 and knock on the door. Angela yells out "Come in." I open the door. She had soft music playing, I recognize Suzanne Vega. Solitude Standing, my favorite. Some kind of patchouli incense burns, pungent and mellow all at once. She sits primly at her desk with a text book and a highlighter. She eyes me, giggling a little bit at my crazy appearance, and motions me to sit down. She seems so sweet. She listens intently to my tale of woe, and rolls her eyes when I tell her about Tanya and the suitemates from hell. Finally, she meets my eye "I was really happy when Tricia bailed to go back home, just looking forward to being here on my own. BUT I cannot resist a stray, and if you want to, you can move in here today." Since I am in such a desperate situation, I immediately say- "okay, I'm going to get my stuff right now so I can change out of this mess." I don't even think about meeting the other two names on the list from the housing office, I know instinctively that this is perfect. I jump up and down and tell Angela that I will give her my firstborn, or whatever she wants, for letting me stayI am all about the gratitude. I open the door, and notice that we are directly across from the dormroom across the hall, which also has an open door. There is a man standing in the door of the room looking through the coats on the rack. He meets my eye. Holy Hell. This man is hott. He is tall and gorgeous, and clearly metrosexual, with some kind of product in his carefully messy, stylishly long blond hair. He pulls on a motorcycle jacket and smirks at my frozen stance before yelling out a greeting to Angela. He adds: "Hey, I am having the guys in my band over tonight. If you and your new friend want to come over for drinks, we will welcome the female companionship. The door will be open!" He grinned at me and tipped an imaginary hat. He said "I am Jasper Whitlock. Pleased to make your acquaintance. The guys are going to love you and your wet t-shirt " And off he went. I still had not spoken. I turned to Angela, who was standing right behind me. She said "just so you know, I have already hooked up with Jazz, and so has our suitemate Kelly. He is a Junior, and quite the accomplished ladies man. We will go over there later, but I want you to know what you are in for. I rolled my eyes. I told her- "Guys never like me, you don't have to worry about that. And I would never impinge on your territory. But I would love to have some drinks and go over there tonight, if you are going. And maybe I can invite my friend from downstairs, depending on what happened with her today. Angela beamed at me. She went with me downstairs to stare down the beast and get all of my stuff from Tanya's room.


	4. Time washes clean love's wounds unseen

**AN: I don't own the characters. Jessica is a good friend in this fic, much like she was in the Twilight movie. So forgive her for what she is about to do in this chapter…**

Ch 5 And time washes clean love's wounds unseen…

Since I didn't ever unpack, it did not take Angela and me long to get my stuff. I stop at the student lounge and leave a note for Jess with my new room number, and then we start to take stuff upstairs. We laugh and joke as we haul my stuff up the stairs to the room. I am desperate at this point to take a shower and put on some dry clothes. I am still pretty wet from the rain deluge. I unpack my toiletries and other necessities, then jump in the shower. I have a shortie flowered robe that I love, so I wear that while I get my stuff organized. I start to figure out where to put everything. I am elated with my good fortune. I cannot believe after the misery and boredom of high school, then the fear and loneliness of my first day here, everything is working out so smoothly. I just feel happy, which is kind of a new emotion for me. I came out of the bathroom just as Angela came breezing into the dorm room, leaving the door open so she could haul in the last couple of things that I had left in the hall. She says "I'm starving, I am going to race down to get dinner. I'll save you a seat." She's gone before I even answer. I can't believe it's already dinner time. I know we will get our drink on tonight across the hall, so I want to get to the dining commons quickly. Just as I lean in to push the door closed, Jasper appeared at his door, clearly just back from class. He shook his head at me with a smile, and said "Bella, if you don't start covering yourself, you are going to give the guys on the hall the wrong idea. First the wet t-shirt, now the barely-there bathrobe. Are you _naked_ under there? You are lucky my dudes aren't here yet, they would be arm-wrestling over who gets to flirt with you first."

I laugh at him, and say "You are so sweet! Trust me, your dudes will not notice that I am alive. But I am looking forward to hearing about the band. Do you want to grab some dinner with me and Ang? We are going down to the commons now."

"I will have to decline, sugar. I stopped the meal plans after freshman year. Once Emmett, Edward and James get here I'll order a couple of pizzas."

I am confused. "Which dorm do those guys live in?"

Jasper smiled at me. "They're townies, Bella. Emmet and Edward are brothers, they live on the other side of the railroad tracks with their parents. And James's father is the campus preacher, he lives in a house right off campus. James and Emmet are my age, 21. James takes classes at the community college up the street, and Emmet has a mystery full time job that he won't reveal. That is some highly valuable information, maybe you can get it out of him when you meet him tonight. Edward is a senior in High School."

I want to close the door so I could get dressed, but I don't want to be rude. I said "I'm sure you're dying to drop your backpack, and I have to find some kind of fetish outfit to wear tonight to keep up my winning streak. What do you think? Catholic schoolgirl? Naughty nurse? Black leather and fishnets?"

Jasper raised his eyebrows at me and said "You know what, Bella? I think you are alright. I can't wait to hang out later." He goes in his room and I closed the door to mine. I can't help that snarky side of me that comes out when I feel uncomfortable. I quickly throw on my favorite torn up jeans and batik t-shirt and flip flops. I go down to the dining hall and grab my dinner and find Angela. She is almost done with hers. She says "You just missed Mike. He told me that he got a notification from the housing office about your move, and he would stop by later to see you settled." I told her about how Mike allowed Jess and I to stay in the lounge last night, but had hinted that we would need to do "favors" if we were going to stay there again. She shakes her head and fake gags, and we cracked up again. We put our trays away and headed back up to the room.

"Let's have some pre-party drinks. I have a bottle of rum and some cans of coke here" Angela pulls the stuff out of the mini fridge and mixes some drinks for us. I have mine in a bright yellow mug with a smiley face on it, since I have yet to unearth all my stuff. The drink tasted yummy, and I quickly had another. We were goofing around looking for music to suit our mood when there was a tap at the door. I opened it to find Jess, looking totally down. "My roommate search was a bust today. I went to all three, and two of them already had accepted another roommate. The third wanted to keep a single. I guess I will stay with slutty Steph. I still have not introduced myself to her. I can always go in the lounge to refrain from coitus interuptus." I gave Jess a hug. I brought her in and introduced her to Angela. Ang told her that she could crash on our floor whenever she needed to, which was super nice. Jess said "Be careful what you offer! I might never leave! And hook me up with a drink, before I dehydrate. Being sober feels like a chronic condition since I got to this campus." She flops down and puts her combat boots up on the chair. The three of us start to shoot the shit, and continued drinking. We were talking about the guys we had dated, and Angela was appropriately appalled at my history. She laughs though, and told us that even though everyone always thinks she is a goody two-shoes, she is far from it and has racked up double digit partners already. She encourages Jess and I to take it slow now that we are all out on our own and not jump into relationships. We all agree that playing the field freshman year seems like a good time. Ang went and opened our door to see if the guys were across the hall yet. I heard her talking to Jasper. She came back in the room looking flushed. She said "We have to go across the hall. You two will not believe the man-candy that waits."

I get up, and almost fall right over. I have no idea how much rum I drank, but this is definitely the most drunk I have ever been. The three of us cross the hall. The room is slightly dark. Jasper comes out and says "Bella! Where are your bunny ears? I was hoping you would continue the playmate look you had going this afternoon!" I gave him a playful shove, and instead of pushing him, I sat right down. Wow, I am so woozy. I look around. I see a guy with long blonde hair in a ponytail towering above me. Two other guys sat on Jasper's bed. There really are not too many seating options in the tiny dorm room. Both guys scoot off the bed and stand up. Jasper said- "The ponytail-man doofus here is James. The man-mountain there is Emmett, and this here is baby Edward," motioning to each guy. "This is my new neighbor, Bella." I motioned to Jess and said her name as an introduction. I look at Emmett. Emmett is huge- probably 6'5, with hands like shovels and bulging muscles. I look up at his face, and was surprised to see that he was almost pretty in a feminine way, with a deep cleft chin, long lashes, and gorgeous dark eyes. Which are fastened directly and unashamedly at my bustline. I can feel Jess and Ang behind me, and I look back and motion to them to help me up. I stand up, feeling literally tipsy, and turn to meet Edward's gaze. The room stopped spinning for a moment. Edward is tall, too, clearly over six feet. He has a delicate beauty, with a strong jaw, cleft chin, gorgeous full mouth, white teeth, and huge deep eyes. He looks like he has been sculpted from marble. He has long messy hair, and wears a t-shirt and a black leather jacket that is splattered with white paint. The jacket is a direct contradiction to the gentle gorgeous face, and I just stare at him with my mouth open. He smirks at the three of us, and says in a smooth voice- "Good to meet you all." I literally cannot speak. I have never seen such a beautiful person in my life, male or female. I try to imagine him at a high school, or even standing here in this filthy dorm room. I can't believe my eyes. He looked like he would be royalty or something extraordinary, he is completely inhuman. I felt my face blush, and my knees go week. When he reached out and shook my hand, I felt as though a power surge ran through me, and my whole body responded to his touch. I could not look at his face anymore, my mouth was dry and my hands were shaking. I felt like such an idiot. It is like I am his inverse, short and round and awkward while he is tall and lean and graceful. Edward shook hands with Jess and Ang, and then backed up a little bit with a strange look on his face.

The blonde guy, James moved into the void and walked up to Jessica, focused on her completely. I noticed that he was wearing no shirt under his jacket, and his skin was nearly golden. He had multiple tattoos and piercings. I could tell he was interested in Jess. He walked right up to her and took her elbow, and led her over to where the booze was. Angela came around the side of me and walked right up to Edward. She grabbed his hand and said "I have something I need to show you across the hall." Before I could even blink, the two of them disappeared back into our dorm room. I heard the deadbolt click decisively. And there I was, standing there with Jasper and Emmett. Both of them stand there and look at me as though I am something to eat. I am so out of my league. I don't even have a league.


	5. That's what someone told me

**AN: I don't own the characters. This story is eventually Edward and Bella. There is mature content in this chapter. The story is all human. The whole story is in BPOV.**

**Ch 6: That's what someone told me**

Emmett smiles at me and winks. Then he looks over my head and says to the still-open door "Hey, you, DUDE. What do you need?" I turn around and see Mike in the hall. Mike says "I just want to make sure Bella is situated with her new roommate." He peeks in the room and saw the booze in the back. "I know you guys're 21, but these women are still under age." He sees Jessica with a drink in her hand. James already has his arm slung around her shoulder. "Did you find a place to live, Jess?"

Jessica looks him straight in the eye and says "I'm going to stay with Stephenie, I guess, but I might need to crash in the lounge every now and then." Mike smiles widely at her and says "As long as you're in the lounge, you're fair game for the Resident Adviser; it's the first rule in the books. And since Bella found a place, I expect you in my room for your shower and some freshman orientation tomorrow."

James perks up a little bit, and walks up to Mike. "I might want to hear a little bit more about this rule."

Mike smirks and winks at James "This is one of the benefits of being an RA. The fresh women who're willing to make a deal so they don't get in trouble for crashing in the lounge or underage drinking are part of the RA package. Bella and Jess agreed to shower in my room tomorrow if I let them crash in the lounge tonight." All four guys were staring at Jess and I now.

I rolled my eyes and said "REALLY, guys? Really? Like Jess and I were going to do anything with Mike! Please. What the hell." Jess and I started cracking up. The whole idea is ridiculous. Mike thinks he is the freaking President or something rather than a dorky RA of a dorm at a crappy college.

Jess says to me "I am just going to go get my stuff out of the lounge. When Angela lets us back in the room, I'll crash at your place tonight. There is no way I am staying in that lounge by myself tonight, with Mr. Pimp over there," motioning to Mike.

James walks up to Jess, and says "I was here tonight hoping for band practice. What do you think if I bring my guitar and we can hang in the lounge for a while? There's nowhere to sit in this crazy room, anyway. And Mike, you can crawl back in whatever hole you came from. If you say anything to Jess or Bella ever again about 'favors' I will slice you to ribbons." The threat is casual and said with a smile, but everyone in the room knows that James is serious as a heart attack. He has a cold, calculating way about him that's truly scary. I actually feel a chill. Jess is looking at him with something close to adoration, and I can see why. She's in a new place filled with predators, and the King of the Jungle has just staked his claim on her.

James grabs his guitar case, and leaves, with Jess tucked under his arm. Mike looks at Jasper and says- "Dude, I don't care what you do in your room, but if minors are going to be drinking in here, just keep the door closed." He leaves the room, closing the door firmly behind him. Jasper and Emmett start talking about the play list for a gig they have this coming weekend. I feel a little uncomfortable, because I am still standing in the middle of the room, totally hammered, and wanting to sit. I cannot go to my room or the lounge, and I just met these guys today. I think maybe I'll sit in the hall until Angela let me back in the room. I can't believe she ditched me like this and is likely having sex with a man that she just met and literally said two words to. And I feel drunkenly devastated, because if Edward sleeps with my roommate, I knew that meant he is off limits forever for me. Someone told me it is the ultimate Roommate Code.

Jasper is looking at me kindly. He hands me a bottle of water, "You should drink all of this, sugar. I'm not such a bad guy that I would give you any more alcohol. You can barely stand up."

Emmett jumps up on Jasper's bed and says "Come sit with me sweetheart, I want to get to know you better." I climb up awkwardly next to the huge guy, who immediately put his right arm around my shoulder and his left hand on my thigh.

Jasper cut eyes at Emmett. "She's wasted, dude. And 18. It is her second day at college. Go easy on her. And she lives across the hall from me. I have to see her every day." Emmett put two fingers up. "Scout's honor, I won't sweat her too much. Just a little bit. You can come back and check on us whenever you want."

Jasper says, "In that case, I am going to take my Southern Comfort and sit in the study carrel and work on the new song, I have some ideas I need to get down on paper." He leaves the room. Oh. Shit. I cast my eyes down and hold my hands awkwardly, trying not to touch Emmett at all. I really do feel dizzy, so I try to keep very still. I tried to think of something to say so I would not be so conscious of his enormous hot hand covering my entire thigh.

"What instrument do you play in the band?"

"Bass guitar"

Silence.

"What is the name of the band?"

"Wild Boys."

More Silence. Now his hand is moving to my hip.

"Um, I don't hook up with guys I don't know."

"What else do you want to know, babydoll?"

And he leaned down and kissed me. Then he grinned, and scooted back, giving me a little space. He looked down at me. He said "Are you afraid?" I could not speak. He went on "I see a lot of women. I work hard, and I play in a band, and I go out every night. I even have groupies who come and see the band every time we play. I don't need a random hook up, but what I do need is a pal, and I really feel that vibe from you."

I look at him and smile and say "It's weird, but I trust you."

Emmett cut his eyes at me and says "Don't." He leaned in and kissed me again, aggressively, pushing my back against the wall.

I break away. "You know, every guy I have ever kissed, it has ruined the chance to be pals. They get too hypnotized by my tits, and can't keep their hands to themselves ever again." He sat up and looked at me, putting his hands on my chest, and said "What, these things?" His eyebrows quirk up as he got the feel of me. "Holy shit, Bella. Did you come straight from your photo shoot? He pulled out my t-shirt at the neck and peered down it. "Honest to god Playboy tits, as I live and breathe." I start laughing. I tell him "All the guys at my high school used to call me Torpedo tits. I was so self conscious I wore sweatshirts in the summer. I started a fund to save for a breast reduction."

He looks me right in the eye, inches from my face, and said "Oh, Hell No. Please don't mess with perfection." He is still holding me intimately, but I feel really comfortable with him. I have no idea why, it was like some kind of weird connection. I could see why he immediately said we would be pals. I feel like I can tell him anything. I tell him how the guys at high school teased me and bullied me for six years, and how Tanya and the suite mates threatened to throw me out the window. He tells me about his family, and how he and Edward pretty much take care of themselves even though they live with their parents. There are five kids in their family, and Emmett and Edward have always been inseparable. Edward had learned to play drums as soon as Emmett was thinking about joining the band so he could play, too. Emmett says sadly that he had gotten his little brother into quite a bit of trouble in the last couple of years, but doesn't expand on it. I look at him and asked "Where do you work?" Without hesitation, he told me how he gets up every day at 5am and manages the car wash in the seedy part of town. He tells me how some nights he goes straight there after staying out after a gig in a bar. I tell him about my minimum wage job I had before coming to college. He is so relaxed and easy to talk to. I looked at the clock and saw we have been sitting here for three hours. I don't really feel drunk anymore, just tired. I turn over to him and asked if he thinks Edward would ever come out of my room. I don't have keys, and I do not want to knock. I don;t want make Angela mad since she let me stay in her dorm room and this was the first day.

Emmett says "I'm going to crash here, you should just stay with me." And he leaned in and kissed me again. He grabbed my hand and moved it onto his lap. Oh God. What the hell is that?

I back up and say "Is that you or an aluminum baseball bat in your pocket? Holy big dick." He said "And you thought you were the only one with an embarrassing nickname in high school. They used to call me Sledgehammer." Before he is done talking he takes it out of his pants and boxers. We both sit there and stare at it. I start shaking all over.

I said "I really think you are an awesome guy, but I'm a virgin, never been touched below the waist, and I really don't want that anywhere near my lady parts." He grins at me, and said "I like you, kiddo. I want to help you, and protect you from the slobbering wolves that are about to descend on you. But I am kind of a bad guy, and I REALLY just want you to touch me right now. And take your top off, too." He pulls my shirt over my head. I sat there in my bra, which looks like a giant seat belt. It has five hooks across the back to help support the torpedoes. My bra size is 28 DD. I wear a bra even to sleep, they are so heavy to carry. My chest muscles ache all the time from holding them up. Emmett looks at me with dilated pupils and his mouth hanging open. He takes my hand and put it back in his lap. I touch him tentatively. Poke poke. He said "Um, Bella, I won't break. Please." This was crazy. Sitting here topless poking at him. I decided to just get this over with and grabbed the beast. With both hands. And started to try to make it happen. He was breathing heavily and looked at me through hooded eyes. He made no move to touch me or kiss me. I sat there silently, pumping up and down. I wish I had some lotion or something. This does not feel very sexy. My tired mind starts to wander. I am daydreaming about where I am going to put all my stuff in my new room, and about what I'll write in my English journal while moving my hands. On and On we sit in silence. He is not making noise any more. He finally says "Bella, this is the worst hand job I have ever experienced in my life. It actually hurts." I start laughing. So much for my rep as a sex goddess. He says "That is not helping, either. Never laugh at a man with his pants down." He puts his own hand over mine, and starts to move it, and a couple of minutes later he was grunting and aimed right at me. His spunk flew all over my chest. Right as the door opened and Jasper walks in the room. This night will never end.


	6. I don't know what it means

**AN: I don't own the characters. This story is eventually Edward and Bella. **

Ch 6: I don't know what it means

This is the most embarrassing moment of my life. Jasper is standing in the doorway, with James, and Jessica right behind him. I'm topless, Emmett is totally exposed, and there is no hiding what has occurred.

I momentarily consider jumping up and saying "For my next trick, I will turn beet red and die of embarrassment!" But I really don't want to jump with no shirt on, and I am not sure anyone would think it was funny. Emmett is pulling himself together next to me, totally blasé. So if he can play this off, I can too. I grin at everyone, and grab the bottom of Emmet's shirt to wipe myself off. I figure he can't complain about that.

Jess breaks the silence "I am so tired, and I don't have anywhere to go. I was hoping to crash in here, maybe on the floor." I am looking for my shirt, feeling a little desperate to cover up. Finally I spy it on the floor. Jasper hooks his foot through it and kicks it up to the bed so I can reach it. I put it on, even though I am still all sticky and disgusting. I decide we are going back to my dorm room. I try for a little dignity, and slide off the bed. I say "Bye guys, see you later" and go to the door with Jess behind me. She is giggling to herself, but I can hear her. Emmett calls out "Thanks, Bella. Cool meeting you." Ugh. I really wish he would not have said that. I am too embarrassed to even look at him. I take the short walk of shame and I knock on the door to my dorm room. Nothing. I call out "Hey, Ange, let us in." The door finally opens, and Edward is standing there, looking tall and gorgeous. He cuts his eyes at me, and steps aside to let us in. Without a word, he slips across the hall to Jasper's room. I can see Angela is asleep in her bed, with the covers up under her chin. Avoiding Jessica's eyes, I tell her "I am going to grab a quick shower. If you want to crash in my bed, go ahead; just leave some room for me."

I grab my pajama shorts and top, and go and take a run through the shower. It is two o'clock in the morning. I have a 10a class, and I know I will still be reeling from everything I had to drink. I set my alarm for 8:30, hoping I will have time to get a coffee before my class. I am feeling really confused about what happened tonight. I feel like I made a good friend in Emmett, but at the same time, I know he used me in a degrading way. I also know that I will have to see him, and probably soon. I need to figure out how to set some boundaries so the friendship part can continue, and the degrading part can NOT. I get into bed with Jess, and fall into a dizzy sleep immediately.

My alarm goes off, and I am reeling right away. I get dressed hurriedly. My hair is looking crazy, since I fell asleep with it wet, so I put it in a high ponytail. I throw on my jeans, hiking boots, and tee, and start throwing my stuff into my backpack. Angela is still dead to the world, she is snoring quietly, and I can see that she is not wearing any clothes. Jess sits up in bed and says she is going back to her dorm room to shower and get dressed.

I raise my brows at her "What happened with James last night?"

She says "Lets meet up for coffee later and catch up, okay?" I bounce up and down and check my calendar. "How about if we meet at the student union at 2:00?" We agree and go our separate ways. She is already a sister to me, and I can't wait to hear about her night with James. I am impressed that she held her own with him. That guy is tough as nails. I go off to get a coffee, head pounding and feeling like I want to disappear. I walk into the coffee house, and order a triple shot of espresso and a scone. I still have quite a bit of time before class, so I am looking over the books I need for my classes, when I notice someone standing in front of me. Shit. Mike. He asks "mind if I sit?"  
I motion to the empty chair "Be my guest."

He sits down and looks at me, and says "Bella, I want you to be careful with those guys. They are real players, and I feel like it is my responsibility as your RA to make sure that you're safe." I roll my eyes at him. "Mike, every female knows how to keep the hounds at bay by the time we are 18. I have to go to class now, I'll see you later." I decide he is relatively harmless, even if he is a perv with a grossly inflated sense of self importance.

My next class is Public Speaking. Of course, it's my nightmare. All I want to do in life is fade into the woodwork, and here I am in a Speech class. My Speech teacher is so cute. She is a perky little woman, wearing a tiny jumper dress like a little kid. Her hair is black, and she has multiple ear piercings, and a little diamond nose pierce.

She stands in front of the class and introduces herself. "I am Alice Brandon. I have a Ph.D in Theater Arts from Texas Tech. I have been teaching here at Eastern for three years. My specialty is in acting and directing, but I started teaching Speech because it is a required course, and it helped me get the job here. Public speaking is very much like acting, in that you have to enjoy being the center of attention, and you have to be able to argue something that you don't even necessarily think is true. I know a lot of you don't want to ever do any public speaking, but I have to tell you that so many professions from Teaching to the Law to the corporate boardroom require you to speak in public. The techniques you learn in this class will give you the courage to move from wishing for an invisibility cloak to grabbing the microphone and broadcasting your message with poise and confidence." I can't help but feel a little excited about the prospect of learning how to cope with attention. At the same time, I am going through this day feeling like someone kicked me hard in the head. I feel kind of surreal, and keep catching sight of flashing white fuzz out of the corner of my eye. This is the worst hangover ever. And I can't stop thinking about the show I gave everyone last night. All the sudden I realize that I am still sitting in Speech class, and the room is empty except for me and Alice. She is sitting on her desk, looking at me speculatively.

"You're Isabella, right?" I nod. She goes on "You have fantastic coloring for the stage, so dramatic with your pale skin and pink cheeks and dramatic dark hair and eyes. Can you act? Sing? Dance?" Ignoring my negative response, she hands me a stack of fliers about an upcoming tryout for a production of A Chorus Line. "I think you could be perfect for the "Dance Ten: Looks Three" number." I look at her mutely, not wanting to admit that I don't know the play at all. I take the papers from her and leave the room. I have one more class before I have to meet Jess. I really hope she can talk me down from the waves of humiliation that have been washing over me. I mean, what is wrong with me? Why can't I just accept that hooking up like that is a fact of life, and not feel so ashamed about it? I really want to actually FEEL something. It is like every hook-up has happened to someone else, I was not even present with Ron or Emmett or any other guy who has been attracted to me. And why are they so aggressive? I am mesmerized by their needs, I just comply. None of the guys I have hooked up with have shown the slightest interest in pleasing me in any way. It is like I am an outlet or something, not a woman. I do know that I can't keep this up, this is only my second day of school and I'm already completely distracted. I vow to myself that I am not going to hook up any more for a while- I want to go on some dates.

I barely pay any attention to my next class or any of the people around me, and it is finally 2:00. I see Jess sitting down with her coffee waiting for me, but she's not alone. Edward and James are sitting at the table with her. Shoot. I really need the girl talk. And I have not even spoken to Angela, so I have no info about what happened last night. Edward is slouched down in the chair, his lanky frame graceful and long legs stretched out in front of him. He looks casual and gorgeous, drinking coffee and playing with a pack of smokes on the table in front of him. I approach the table and see that James and Jess are clutching each other's hands across the table, in their own little bubble. I kick at Edward's foot and nod at the smokes and toward the smoking area outside. He jumps up and grabs them and we wordlessly head for the courtyard. With that same casual attitude, he slings his arm around my shoulder. My heart skips a beat, and I jerk my head up to look at him. He looks a little shocked as well. Where his hand is, hot tingles are jumping down my arm. I am suddenly conscious of the very masculine scent of him, and how tall he is. He is by far the most delicious slice of man candy I have ever seen. I notice as we walk out that all the women are looking at him like they have never seen a man before. I feel the same way as I did last night, short and soft and plain, like I'm just not as good as Edward. It's kind of a relief. It takes the pressure off me to be cute or funny. I know that no matter what, Edward is spectacular and I am just not.

He lights a smoke for me, and I look at him. "Jasper told me you are still in high school. Why are you here?"

He looks back at me, expressionless, "I heard you hooked up with my brother last night." I turn beet red and drag on my cig. I can't look him in the face. I don't say anything, looking at my feet. I am hyper conscious of him standing next to me, almost touching me but not quite. He continues "When I heard that, I wanted to beat Emmett's ass, since you were practically too drunk to stand up. He is the one that should be embarrassed, not you, baby doll." Still looking at my feet, I think about this and smoke quietly.

Finally, I look up and say "I'm responsible for my own actions. Emmett and I are friends. I am going to set him straight about what happened last night, but I really think it is going to be okay, and we will have a platonic friendship from now on." Edward is laughing. Laughing! I blush some more. "It isn't funny."

He says "I wouldn't bet that Emmett will keep his hands to himself where you are concerned. All the guys actually wrote a song last night after you left called 'Soft Core.' It's pretty hot, reminiscent of the old Prince song 'Darling Nikki.' I was the only one who was uninspired, since I missed seeing the cum shot last night." I am speechless. Totally mortified. Edward puts his arm back around me, and gives with a melodramatic smirk… "Oh, Bella. My Bella. What am I going to do? It is too late for us already, and we just met yesterday. We are going to have to accept that we will be best friends and nothing else." The whole time he is talking, the Edward tingles are singing through my body, and I notice that everyone is looking at us, this insanely beautiful man with his arm around the plain troll that is me.


	7. I've done everything I know

**A/N: I don't own these characters. Thank you for reading. I would love some feedback. I know I need a beta, but I can't figure out the whole Beta Reader system.**

I can't believe this is my life. I have never felt a part of something before. I am set apart from my family, we never meshed. In high school, I was pure misery, vibrating with it every minute. But since I got to Eastern, it feels like everything has slid into effortless position and I don't even want to disappear at all. I love it here. My classes are endlessly interesting. I actually feel smart. In high school, where I had to work to cut classes and be all spy-hunter about it, I never went to class. Here, where no attendance is ever taken, I have not missed one lecture. I even sat in on some classes that I am not registered in. I found that I love English Literature and Women's Studies and all the Sociology stuff. Even statistics! I thought I sucked at math, but statistics is natural as breathing for me. On the home front, we brought Jessica's mattress up from Steph's room and slid it under my bed, which is on stilts. She sleeps under there every night. I got a key made for her. So we live with an extra person in our room, but it just adds to the party atmosphere.

I go most days down to the car wash where Emmett works. I do my homework in his office, and hang out with the other guys who work there. They are a rowdy bunch, always good for some laughs. Emmett and I have that crazy relationship where we flirt and laugh and mess around all the time. He knows that I won't ever do any serious hooking up with him, and I think he really respects me for it. He would not be Emmett if he did not continue to pressure me, and he is always all about the hands and jokes about tits and ass, but I know we both like the friendship we have. I don't have a car on campus, Emmett usually picks me up in his falling apart old Chevy, or I take the bus.

Edward and James practically live in Jasper's room, and we all hang out every day. Jessica and I try to see the band play, but it is hard since we are under age and we don't have a car. We have been to five shows. They always dedicate the "Soft Core" song to me. Emmett says that they do that when I am not there, too. That song is pretty hot. It is funny that everyone who hears the song thinks I am some kind of sexpot instead of the prudish virgin that is my reality. Emmett knows my secret, but I don't think that the other guys do. He says that if everyone assumes that we are together, it will keep me honest. Of course, he is a total slut, so no one would believe how innocent the relationship is. Well, mostly innocent anyway. James and Jessica hang out as much as they can, but they really don't ever have any place to go since he lives with his parents. They are devout Christians, of course, and he is not allowed to have a woman in his bedroom. He is a grown man, but I guess that as long as he lives with his parents, he has to follow those rules. He really wants to make a go of the music, and pretty much refuses to find a job. Jessica has her own study carrel at the library, and that is about as private as it gets for the two of them. She refuses to really classify their relationship, but I know she has met his parents. And the two of them go to church services every Sunday together. James is really sweet to her, but I still feel a little edgy about their relationship. She is so sweet and pure, and he is just NOT. I get the feeling that nothing would surprise him, and that he has no fear, ever, about anything. When we are at the club to hear the band, no one will even TALK to Jessica because they know better than to do anything that might rub James the wrong way.

Angela and Edward are playing the Friends with Benefits game. I know he is not the only guy that she is with, and I also know that Edward probably has about a dozen other girls he is juggling. I think he feels comfortable with Angela- she is not emotionally invested in him, and doesn't care what he does when he is away from her. I suspect that Edward lies to a lot of girls, and just tells them whatever they want to hear. He wants everyone to love him. Maybe that is why Angela and Edward rarely hang out except for the actual hooking up. Instead, Edward and I sit outside and smoke, or walk around the campus, or get coffee in the student union. We like to sit in there and play Gin Rummy. He hates going home, he is in constant fights with his dad, who I gather is a real jerk. We have easy conversation, he probably knows me better than anyone ever has. I always forget to put on my listener cap with him, and will just talk and talk about everything from politics to literature. Edward always has an interesting philosophy about every subject, and continues to shock me with his knowledge of current events and books and music. He is my favorite person to hang out with ever. And the really crazy thing is all the other females at school are so freaking nice to me now. They all want a shot at these guys, and know that they are my pals. After Edward hooked up with the third "new friend" of mine, I finally figured it out. He always wants to go everywhere with me, even for study dates at the library. He will often tag along to my classes.

The weather is starting to get cold, and winter break is approaching. The dorms close during the break, so we all have to go home for the two weeks. I am absolutely dreading it, and I know Edward is, too. So we are sitting in the Union with our feet in each other's lap. He says "I am never going back to high school. As soon as I am 18 in March, I am going to take the GED.

I ask him "Why don't you and Emmett just get your own place?"

He looks down at me. "Promise you won't freak out?"

"Of course"

"We are going to jail on January 1st."

I jump up, my heart pounding. "WHAT???"

"Emmett, James and I got convicted of felonious assault in August. We used to have a lead singer in the band, Jacob. He started moonlighting with another band, and he stole all our equipment. We tracked him down and beat the crap out of him. It was James' idea, but we were there, and we all got our hits in. Jasper had not come back to school yet from the summer break, so he missed the fight. Anyway, Jacob ended up in the hospital, and we were booked by the cops. We had some crappy public defender who napped through our trial. We were tried together, and all found guilty by a jury. We did not even deny that we beat him up, we just tried to justify it saying Jake took our stuff. It was a lousy defense obviously. The judge took some pity on us, and we were allowed to delay jail until January 1. We are supposed to serve six months. I did not know how to tell you. I know Emmett wanted to say something to you, but he is really embarrassed, too."

I am sitting there with tears streaming down my face. I can't believe I am going to lose these guys already. "Does Jessica know?"

Edward is looking down at the ground now. "We tried to keep it quiet, especially since we met you guys. We don't want you to abandon us. Emmett and James and I feel like we have found where we belong finally. I wish we had met you before that happened, maybe it could have been avoided. I never realized how amazing day to day life could be. I always wondered if I was even a person. Every woman I meet just shoves her phone number at me, or sits too close, or openly propositions me. They are all so fake. You are the most real person I have ever met, Bella. I love my mom so much, but I just can't respect her for putting up with my dad. I hate being at home, because I know they are so disappointed in us."

I swallow hard. I am scared out of my mind. I am totally dependent on Edward and Emmett at this point. These guys are my life now. They have changed me so completely. I never worry about being the center of attention, or teasing, or fitting in or any of that crazy stuff that used to cause me so much anxiety. Because, really? Screw the bastards.

"Edward, we have to tell the other girls. It's so unfair to keep this from them, especially Jessica. She's going to freak out. And I want you to come home with me over the break. I will tell my parents that you are a friend from out of state or something; they will even hardly notice that you're there. My sister is away at college, you can have her room."

His face lights up at the prospect of going home with me. "The break is not over until January fifth. I need to be at the Jail on the first, bright and early."

I smile at him and say "We'll have to have an awesome New Year's Eve party, and just stay up all night. I will take you and Emmett to the jail when the time comes. Of course, your family will want to be there too. And I know that James will drive in for the party with Emmett, it isn't that far. I will have to talk to Jess, she's from out of state, and I don't know if she can come. Let's go back to my room and see if anyone is around so we can make plans. I can't believe you kept this from me, you big jerk! I have hung out with you practically every day for months."

I give him a sock on the shoulder . Ouch. He smirks at me. "Bella, you wound me! Talk about hitting like a girl, that was pathetic." He draws himself up to his full height, a foot taller than me. His face gets serious. "Aren't you afraid of me now that you know what I am capable of? I keep waiting for you to run away from me screaming. I mean, you know about my terrible habits with women. You know that I slept with your roommate the first time I met her, and half your friends, too. You know that I'm a high school dropout. You know that I'm trash, with an uneducated, violent father, and a brother that works at a car wash and pressures you for sex every chance he gets. You know that I am a bully who beat up a defenseless singer enough to land him in the hospital. How can you want to hang out with me? How can you think about bringing me home with you? Won't your parents freak right out?"

I look at him seriously. "You are my best friend that I ever had. I could have a list 10 miles long of all my flaws that you overlook. I feel so lucky to have you in my life every single day." I feel choked up suddenly. Edward is looking at me thoughtfully. He bends over and gives me a hug. I stand on my tiptoes and wrap my arms around his neck. His hands are on my waist. My face is buried in his chest. I whisper "You are not getting rid of me, Edward Cullen. I hear you talking yourself out of our friendship, and hating on yourself. I understand everything. I am so filled with self-loathing sometimes that I can't imagine how I will get through the day. But since I met you, I actually like my life for the first time ever. So you're stuck with me."

He backs up and looks down into my face. "Bella, I am going to be your fucking shadow. You are the only person I have ever met who doesn't want anything from me. I have never experienced anyone as generous and kind and nonjudgmental as you. Believe me, you're not getting rid of me."

He is so close to me. He is holding me in his arms. I am looking at his gorgeous face. I say "Thank God." We grab hands and walk back toward the dorm. Together.


	8. Try and make you mine

I called my mom and asked her if I can bring a friend home during break. Of course, my mom will be working around the clock even though I am visiting. She is a tax attorney, and her busiest time is from the end of the year until tax day. She seemed pleased that I would have someone to hang out with, she knows I have no high school friends. She would never worry about leaving me alone with a guy, she just does not think that way. The break starts in two weeks, she said she will pick Edward and me up after my last final. I go into Jasper's room to tell him the dealio. The guys are working on a set list.

Jasper looks up and gives me a quick wave. "Hey, we're playing at the pub on campus on Saturday. It is an all-age show, since the place is pretty much a glorified restaurant. You should come, and bring as many friends as you can round up. We really want to pack the place."

I look at Edward, who is perched precariously on the window sill. I give him the thumbs up, and he nods. I don't even have to talk to him, he can practically read my mind. Emmett is sitting on the bed. He comes around less and less, I almost never see him at the dorm. He pats his lap and motions for me to come over to him. I run over to the bed and hop onto his lap, bouncing up and down.

He gapes at me. "Bella, what the heck are you doing? Are you fucking teasing me, jiggles?"

Crap. I was just messing around, and now Edward is looking at us. Glaring at us. Emmett has his hands on my shoulders, pulling me back onto his broad chest. I lean back, helpless against his strong embrace. Shit, I can feel the Sledge in my back, that thing should be illegal. Emmett starts rubbing against me in an exaggerated way, goofing around groaning and groping me. "Oh, Bella, so hot. Do me, baby!" I am slapping at his hands, red faced. He puts his hands in front of my chest, pretending to squeeze me. He is making grotesque grunting noises and bucking beneath me.

Jasper is laughing, but Edward is definitely not amused. He stands up to his full height- "Em, are you kidding me with this? Get your hands off her before you break her."

At this, Emmett starts really laughing. "Ed, my man, that is my mission in life - to break Bella! Her chastity belt is on so tight, she's the only woman to ever resist me. And I have been as persistent as I know how to be. I think she might save herself until marriage. That is what I am promising myself, that if I am not going to be the one to deflower her, I will watch over her virtue until her wedding to some geek who doesn't deserve her. Until that day, I am going to try to get in her pants every chance I get." He grabs me and spins me around. "Look at that tight little ass. That thing haunts my dreams." And around again. "This is the best rack in the Western Hemisphere, I would bet my life on it. If we could get her to enter a wet t-shirt contest, I have no doubt that she would win."

At this point, I am beet red, and for some crazy reason, tears are welling in my eyes. Emmett is such a manic idiot, he has no idea how embarrassed I am. He thinks this is just teasing banter, like we always do at the car wash. I give him an elbow to the ribs, as hard as I can.

"Let me go right now, you big oaf." Edward is staring at me. He bends down to get face to face with me, while Emmett is still clutching me to his chest like I am some kind of oversized doll. He looks me in the face, but is talking to Emmett. "I'm all too aware of Bella's assets, Emmett. If you're going to shield her from the rest of the guys on campus, I'm going to do my best to protect her from you. I'm probably the only person who can save her. From this day forward, I make it my mission to block you from Bella's pants at every turn." He turns around and sits on the edge of the bed so my legs are on either side of his back. "Hop on, Bella. I'll give you a ride back to your room so we can talk about whatever you arranged for the break."

I jump on his back. I turn around and wink at Emmett. I say "Chaste for one more day!" He winks back at me. He's a perv, but I love that guy. Edward and I are in my room now. I start throwing stuff in my backpack getting ready for speech class. Edward says "Do you mind if I tag along to class with you? I have nothing else to do, and I really don't feel like hanging with Emmett and Jazz. Why do you put up with that crap from Emmett, anyway? He is such a pig when it comes to you. I wish you would tell him to go to hell. I hope you don't get drunk around him again. I know he can be very persuasive and he's about obsessed with sexing you. How far has it gone between you two? And are you really a virgin? I must know the truth now."

I roll my eyes. "I don't want to talk about my status with you. Please, Edward. You're the biggest slut I know. I bet you would be a lot more aggressive than Emmett is if you wanted to get in my pants. He knows that I really won't do much with him, and he's so much fun to hang out with. I have a connection with him, I feel really comfortable with him. Yes, he pushes my limits some, because I really don't do the friends with benefits thing, but I feel okay about messing around with him a little bit. I know he cares about me. It is nice to be wanted, you know?"

Edward looks at me suspiciously. "I know that. It's pretty much my reason for getting out of bed in the morning, to be the object of desire. But you are so much more than that. I hate to see you treated like an object. And you are so vulnerable because of your body and the way guys have treated you. I just hate to see my brother act like such a predator. He is so strong and aggressive, and I have never seen him so open about who he is, where he works, what he does with any girl. I guess the truth is that I don't want to lose you to him. I don't want to see you give in to him. And I don't want him to decide that It's not a good idea for you and me to spend so much time together."

I am confused now. "Why would I have to choose between you two? I have a totally different relationship with you. Emmett knows that you're my best friend. And you know that my friendship with Emmett is a little weird, but it works for us. It has been that way since the first day I met you both. And you're sleeping with my freaking roommate! I have never made either of you feel weird about that. It's so unfair. Now come on, we're going to be late for class."

Edward loves my speech class, he has been to it many times. He told me he takes it seriously, since he hopes to be a musician or actor. And he thinks my prof, Alice is cool as anything, since she knows so much about the entertainment industry. We go in to class. Everyone is used to Edward tagging along with me, but no one on Earth can get used to how gorgeous he is. All eyes are on him as we sit in the class. The final for this class is a 20 minute persuasive speech on any subject. So each class until the end of the semester we watch three speeches. I already gave my speech last class, there is no way I would do it in front of Edward. I peer over at him. He has his long legs stretched out under the desk in threadbare jeans pulled over cowboy boots. He is wearing a black t-shirt, tucked in with a black leather belt with a sterling buckle. His motorcycle jacket is slung over the back of the chair. I can see his bicep as he doodles on a sheet of notebook paper, listening to the lame speech about socialized medicine. Fuck, he is gorgeous. I feel this energy coming from his body, and I can _smell_ him. He smells like cigarettes and leather and some kind of minty aftershave. I would know it was him if I were blind. I try to strike the same pose, stretching my legs out. They don't even clear the desk. My feet hardly touch the floor, this chair is so high. I look down at myself. I cannot even see my feet, can't see past my chest. I am such a freaking mess. I think the only good thing about me is Edward. It is like if I can be around him, I feel like I deserve to exist. I wonder… No. It is not like that for me and Edward. He and I are like two halves of a whole, if we got romantic, I would just be a notch on his belt. That is what makes me different to him, and besides, I am way too self-conscious and anxious about the whole physical thing to even think about wanting something like that with Edward. Plus, I need to live with Angela, who is currently sleeping with Edward. AND I am in a weird thing already with Edward's brother. The situation is impossible. I love the friendship and I am going to keep it as long as I can.

All the sudden, class is over. Alice looks up and says "Bella, can you stay after for a moment?" After everyone leaves, she comes over to Edward and me. She says "Bella, I was really disappointed that you did not even audition for a role in the Chorus Line. I understand why, though. Maybe you can think about something like that next semester or next year, even."

Edward looks up. He has never spoken in any of my classes, I know he feels it is not acceptable. "You asked Bella to audition for A Chorus Line?"

"Yes, I spoke to her about it the first day of class."

Edward says "Let me guess. You pictured her for the "Dance Ten, Looks Three" number, right?"

Alice is shocked. "You know that musical? Of course, Bella would be perfect for that role."

Edward chuckles. "She would be ten shades of red if she knew the lyrics to that one, much less singing them on stage in a leotard. Of course I know that musical. Music and theater are my obsession; I have pored over scripts, watched movie remakes, and dreamed for years of actually seeing a Broadway show on stage. I play in a band, and the guys all tease me. They think I will turn gay or something if I listen to music from Chorus Line or Annie. Luckily, I'm very comfortable with my sexuality." He smirks.

Alice says "I played in a band all through college and grad school. I love the college music scene."

Edward looks at her and says "We play at Eastern Station on Saturday night. Our set is at 9. You should bring some friends and come check us out."

Alice says "I think I will. Since I moved here, I haven't really been very social, just working on my scholarly research. I miss that band scene so much. I'll probably have to leave if I see any of my students, other than Bella. You won't rat me out, will you, Bella?"

I grin at her. I tell her that we would love to hang out with her Saturday night. I know that Angela and Jess will love Alice, she is so quirky. Alice impulsively gives Edward a hug. He hugs her back and we walk out of the classroom. Without even thinking, Edward slings his arm around my shoulders. He is becoming more and more affectionate with me, which I love. And when he has his arm around me, I feel that same sense that we are one person, one mind, one heart. And then I remember that he is the sun and the moon. I have no light of my own. Only what I can reflect of his. I intend to bask in his warmth as long as I can. He is like that beacon of light in a world of eternal darkness, illuminating my grey world, changing my endless twilight into bright sparkling sunlight.


	9. Life is full of flaws

Edward convinces me that it would be best to tell people about the jail sentence after the concert, since James is so angry about what happened and won't want to play if he has to face it right now. Jessica and I decide to go all out getting ready for their show. If I want to blow my hair straight, it will take me an hour. I love to take long showers, I have a deep conditioner that I leave on my hair while I wash and shave and moisturize. My hair is really getting way too long, I hate getting it cut. When I was a little kid, my mom took me to get a hair cut and everyone thought I was a boy. Ever since, I have insisted on long hair. When I straighten my hair, it hangs to my waist. I like to wear a side part, it looks kind of hippie cool. I wear a bright orange off the shoulder pirate shirt with a strapless bra and black shorts over leggings with knee-high slouchy boots. i wear my chandelier earrings. I put on three coats of mascara, knowing that my eyelashes are my best feature. I think i look okay, until Jessica comes and stands next to me in the mirror. She is so tall. And thin. She looks practically hip-less next to me. And even though I am so curvy, it is all on a tiny scale- my frame is so narrow I look like a different species than Jess, with her square athletes body. She towers over me. We start cracking up and making jokes about how we should NEVER stand next to each other no matter what the circumstance. Angela is at one of her theater parties. She never invites us. We don't really care. I tell Angela that we will have to save seats for Alice and her friend. We hoof it up to the Eastern Station. There is already quite a crowd there. All ages shows are very popular. Jess and I each get a red wrist band signifying we are underage. 21 and over get a hand stamp. Jess asks: "Should we go look for the guys?" I think about this for a minute. Jess and James are very much boyfriend and girlfriend, even though neither of them would admit it. I don't really have an official status. Friend? Neighbor? I tell her I am going to get a coke and sit at the table and wait for Alice. She can go find James if she wants to. She nods and takes off.

Soon after, Alice approaches the table. She looks about 12, even though I know she is close to 30. She introduces her beautiful tall, blond friend- "This is Rosalie, my neighbor. We like to hang out together on weekends, we both just moved here this year. This is my student and friend, Bella." Rosalie and I grin at each other. She is wearing an Aladdin Sane T-shirt with jeans, and might be the coolest person on the planet. Rosalie and I start talking about ourselves a little bit, and I learn that she is 23, and moved here for her job in the registrars office. I start telling them about the guys in the band as they take the stage. Jessica has not returned yet, and James is not with Jasper, Edward and Emmett onstage. They are getting their instruments tuned up and set up and starting the sound checks. Emmett walks over to me and ruffles my hair. I startle "Hey! That took forever to style! Hands off!" He grins at me and peers down my shirt. I smack him playfully, and introduce him to Alice and Rosalie. He gives them his goofy grin and says hey to them. Rosalie is staring at him as he goes back to the stage. I roll my eyes, and give her a kick. She looks at me, embarrassed. She says "Is he your boyfriend?" I told her "Emmett is no-body's boyfriend. But he is hardworking and loyal and sweet and smart, and a great friend." She continued to watch him. Finally, Jess shows up at the table, and introduces herself to everyone. The four of us listen to the music and talk and hang out. Alice is bouncing up and down, so excited to be out with friends. When the set is over, the guys come right to our table. I jump up and kiss Edward on the cheek, and tell him how amazing he is. I introduce everyone, and Edward says- lets go to the diner and grab some food, I am starved. I tell Alice and Rosalie to come along. Alice is looking at Jasper with curiosity. As we are walking to the diner, I notice that Jasper falls back to get in step with Alice. The two of them are talking in low voices. All of the sudden, Jasper says- "hey, Alice wants to give me a mix tape of the band she was in when she was in grad school. She and I are going to detour to her place to grab it." The two of them disappear. I walk over to Rosalie and tell her to please stay and come to the diner. So, Edward, Emmett and James and Rosalie, Jessica and I sit. I can tell that Rosalie really likes Emmett. I think he is being a jerk to her, though. James gives Edward a dark look, and he and Jess move to a little booth. Edward tells me that James is telling Jess about the Jail sentence. Rosalie looks up, shocked. I feel Emmett give Edward a kick under the table. I cheerfully change the subject and the four of us order our food. I look up to see four guys walking into the diner. Edward looks around to see what I am looking at, and his face falls. He says "Oh, shit." Emmett looks up, too. The four men approach the table. The tallest one, walks right up to me and takes my hand. He says "It is such a pleasure to meet such a beautiful young lady. I am Jacob Black."


	10. I think it's going to hurt me

**A/N Sorry for the long hiatus. There is violence in this chapter.**

I could feel Edward tense up beside me when Jake approached, and Emmett grabbed my hand with one hand and clenched his fist with the other. He gave me a silent warning look, cutting his eyes at me before shifting them to Jake. I was so glad Edward had told me what happened between all of them, so I would not make an ass of myself. I looked up at Jacob and his friends. I smiled politely and introduced myself to Jake, trying to be as friendly as I could. Jacob dropped a hand onto my shoulder while he pointed to each of his friends and said their names. Edward looked up and said "Look, Jake, I really don't think you need to be here right now. Enough has gone down, and we have all lost too much. Why don't you find somewhere else to hang tonight?" I could feel his simmering restraint, trying to be polite. It was killing Edward that Jake was standing and towering over all of us, and basically trapping us in the booth. Rosalie looked completely out of her element, and really uncomfortable. I felt Jacob's fingers slide down my shoulder, and was supremely aware that he was being really inappropriate. Emmett started to shake, and I could hear his teeth grinding. He looked up at Jake and said "Take your fucking hands off her, dog. I put you in the hospital once, but if you mess with Bella, I will end you." Jake looked surprised, and said "Emmett, I didn't think you had it in you! A girlfriend? She must really be sitting on a gold mine there." I shifted uncomfortably.

"He is not my boyfriend, he is my friend and he is my boy, and I really don't appreciate your hands on me" I pushed back and stood up, freeing myself from his grip." Why does this have to be about me? There was no way I was going to let this stranger objectify me and degrade me in front of my friends. I could easily see how James and Emmett and Edward had lost their minds over this guy and beat the shit out of him, what a dick. I looked Jake over. Wow. He was really tall, even taller than Emmett. Am I the only short person on earth? Jake peered down at me. He winked. "You know, I can see down your shirt." His three friends leaned over to see if they could get a peek. I squelched the little nugget of fear that was starting to clench inside me. I rolled my eyes, and said "Yes, I am female. I do have tits. I know this is a novelty."

I could see that Emmett was seriously going to lose it if I didn't do something. I smiled up at Jacob. I said "Thanks for looking, Jake. It was cool meeting you" desperately trying to ratchet down the tension and hoping he would get the hint and just go. Instead, Jake's friends closed ranks around me, so I was standing in the middle of the diner with four men surrounding me. Emmett and Edward were trapped in the booth, and would need to shove someone out of the way to even stand up. I remember that James was in a different booth, and started praying that he would find a way to get us out of this. Jacob said "Well, Bella, do you know that you're sitting with convicted felons? They messed me up so bad I had to drop out of the mechanic tech course I was enrolled in. I lost my spot in the program, and all the tuition I invested, not to mention the time I put into it. I was humiliated and these guys couldn't manage a fair fight. No fun to get beat by three at once. I guess the jail sentence should be enough for my retribution, but I can't help but think that while they're gone, you'll be a little bit lonely. And you are just my type. I like them pink and innocent."

I cringed at that. I felt like he could see through me at that point, and really did feel the threat behind what he was saying. He grabbed me by both arms, his hot hands wrapping around my biceps. He said "Do you feel that? It is going to be so good between us" I had no clue what he was talking about. I was starting to get that creepy vulnerable feeling that every woman knows, but fought through it, knowing I was safe here, in a public place with all my friends.

All the sudden, the other guys were looking over my head. I turned and saw the most beautiful sight I had ever seen. James was standing behind Jacob with a menacing look on his face. "I hate to break this party up, but Bella was just leaving. Let her go, now. And if you mutts know what is good for you, if you see her around, you'll turn and run the other way." The guys backed up enough so that Edward and Emmet could get out of the booth. Jake was still holding onto my arms, I think he forgot he was holding me until that moment. I could see that Emmett was dying to get in the middle of this, and I thought about how much trouble my boys were already in. I smiled over at Emmett and Edward and winked. I really wasn't scared anymore, I didn't think that any man would ever hit me. I mean, Jake was more than a foot taller than me, and probably outweighed me by 100 pounds, no need to prove anything. As long as I could keep my boys out of trouble and get us out of this situation, I was willing to keep up my calm façade. "We have to stop meeting like this, Jake." I joked, trying to peel his hands off me. He pulled my arms around my back, holding them both with one hand and forcing me to push my chest out. I continued with my bravado "Okay, Jake, you got me. It's true, you have the advantage here. Waving the white flag!" He smirked at me, and with his other hand he pulled out the stretchy front of my pirate shirt, baring my chest to everyone in the diner. He said "I can think of some other ways we can meet that will be a lot more pleasurable." With his free hand, he reached down my shirt and touched me. With a roar, Emmett jumped through and shoved Jacob with all his considerable strength. Edward jumped up and yelled "NO!" just as Jake lost his balance and fell right on top of me, ripping my shirt and twisting my body awkwardly and finally landing his full weight on top of my left leg. I think everyone heard my leg break, all the sudden in the total silence of the diner. I was on the floor, with my shirt hanging off my shoulder, and my leg at an unnatural angle behind me. My arm where Jake had been holding me was really sore, too, it twisted as Jake went flying back and my arm shot out automatically to catch my fall. I thought irrationally _Well, shit. That's going to leave a mark._

It was like a slow action scene, everyone around us was frozen. Emmett was right there, practically falling on top of us from his forward motion. He was able to roll out of the way and was on the floor trying to pull it together. Jake looked at me, mortified. "I am so sorry Bella. I was just messing around, I would never mean to really hurt you. I was just messing with Emmett, trying to piss him off. I thought it would be okay to embarrass you a little. I'm not this bad guy. My mom will kill me. I can't believe this," he was crying and babbling senselessly. He looked down at my leg and gagged audibly. I could hear a low rumble coming, and I realized it was coming from Edward. Was he hyperventilating? He was turning purple. The diner manager was on the phone calling an ambulance for me. James looked around and said, "We all need to get out of here. This could add to our sentence if there is a police report." Emmett started cradling me in his arms, his whole cocky attitude sucked out of him and his face tragically downcast. He said "I'm not leaving Bella. This is my fault. I should never have touched Jake without making sure that she was safe first." I couldn't help it, I was crying. Ugly crying. Of course, no one else had a scratch on them. Even Jake did not have a scrape or bruise. I guess I cushioned his fall pretty well. I tried to catalogue my injuries. I didn't know which part of me hurt the most. My whole body was hot and aching, my head pounding. I decided that the pain in my leg was the dominant pain. It felt unbearable, nauseating, excruciating. I shuddered and sobbed and wished I was dead. All the sudden Jess was next to me. She looked up at Rosalie, and asked "Rose, maybe you and I could ride with Bella to the hospital? I am thinking she has had more than enough testosterone for today." Rose looked at me, and said "Do you mind if I do? I know we don't know each other, but I know what it is like to be intimidated by men, and I think you are awesome in the way you stood up for yourself and your friends tonight, and so brave for the way you handled all of this." I looked around for Edward. Through my pain and fear, I met his eyes. I told him between sobs "Please leave. I don't want you guys to get in trouble. I'm in good hands with Jess and Rose, they will make sure I get all fixed up. I want Jake and his friends to go first, and then once they are far away, you all go back to the dorm. Angela should be there, we'll call her once we know if I am going to be admitted. They will stay with me. They will." This took all of my strength and mental facilities to grind out these ridiculous instructions. I felt desperate to get everything squared away so I could succumb to the black pain monster lurking in the corner, waiting for me.

Wordlessly, Edward knelt down beside me. He fixed my shirt and wiped my tears with a napkin. He looked at me with wide dark eyes filled with sorrow. I started feeling really dizzy all the sudden. Emmett still had me in his lap, but I knew all the sudden with certainty that if I moved, I would probably throw up. Suddenly I felt like I really needed some air. I said "okay, everyone, show is over. Please leave me to my pain before I puke." Jake's friends started tugging on him and telling him they should go- now. He argued a little bit, but finally he turned and left the diner. Jacob yelled out as he was leaving "I am so sorry, Bella. I hope you know that this was an accident, and I will find a way to make this up to you. I promise. Fuck." The ambulance pulled up, and came in with a stretcher, and I finally let the nausea take me, and started throwing up all over Emmett. He did not even flinch away from me, just sat and held me, being careful not to move me. He stroked my hair gently, muttering his sad apologies over and over, and trying pathetically to reassure me that it was going to be okay. Edward seemed struck dumb, unable to process what had happened. He looked green and squeamish. I didn't really feel like looking at him right now. I was really having a hard time holding it together. I could see peeing in my pants or something humiliating like that. The paramedics loaded me on the stretcher, and Jessica and Rosalie walked alongside and hopped into the back of the ambulance. I was starting to fade in and out, seeing stars and white blotches out in the dark night, the pain in my leg and arm a steady throb, shooting flaming stars down my body. The paramedic jostled the stretcher as they settled me in the ambulance, and as soon as my leg moved, the dizziness took over and I passed out.

I woke up in a hospital bed. My leg was in one of those pulley things like they have in the movies, and the leg had a dressing on all the way up my thigh. I also had a splint on my right arm from my shoulder all the way to my wrist, and that arm was totally immobilized. My mom was there. "What time is it? How bad am I? " She shushed me. "It is early morning, sweetie. They put you out for all your x-rays. You have been drifting in and out for a while. I have been here about an hour. The hospital called me, and I got here as soon as I could. How are you feeling? I sent your friends home, they were exhausted. You have a broken femur, above the knee. I have not seen your films or anything, only what I have gathered from the various medical staff floating in and out of the room. You also have what the doctor called a spiral fracture in your humerus. The whole left side of your body is black and blue. Your friend Jessica told me that you got in between two large men who were fighting? Who hit you? Was this an accident? What were you thinking, Bella?" she went on and on, not waiting for answers to her questions, I finally just tuned her out. I was trying to channel the physical pain into some good angst. So much easier to deal with the existential "What is my purpose" angst then try to fight through the pain and work on getting better from this. I flashed back on that moment when I was flying through the air, waiting for impact.

Of course, my mom would blame me for this. I think I have three speeds right now, tears, sorrow and despair. I feel so sorry for myself at this moment. I open my mouth to defend myself to my mom and instead I start crying helplessly. The nurse comes in to get my vitals and check my drips, and tells us that the doctors are making rounds, and that an orthopedic surgeon will be checking in with me in a few minutes, as well. The team of doctors comes in the room with my charts. The lead doctor introduces himself "I am Doctor Gerandy, hospital generalist. This is Doctor Banner, the orthopedic surgeon. I am so sorry for your injuries, but I am even sorrier to tell you that you will need to use a wheelchair for the time being, until you get your walking cast. Because of the fracture to your arm, crutches will be impossible. Also, this type of fracture is almost never an accident. Because you are over 18, we didn't have to alert child protective services, but a social worker will be by to talk to you, as will the police. We are bound by law to notify them of any injury that looks like abuse. Dr Banner?"

The other doctor looked at my arm for a moment. He said "You will need to keep this arm completely immobilized for 12 days. Assuming it heals well, you will not need surgery, however once we evaluate it you will have a full cast, in the upright position, for four weeks. If everything looks good, you will move on to a split for four, then you should be in pretty good shape. The recovery from this type of fracture is quite painful, but it should heal relatively quickly and well. As for your leg, you broke the largest bone in your body. It is in a brace now to protect it, but you will definitely need surgery on this leg. You will not need a cast. We will insert a metal rod down the center of the bone, secured with screws above and below your break. Fortunately, you will not need to have the rod removed, so there is one surgery and done. We were not able to do the surgery when you came in, because the surgical team was not available. The surgery takes approximately four hours. Normal time on crutches for patients is about 10 weeks, however, in your case crutches will not be possible at first, and you will have very limited mobility which will slow your healing time. I will guess you will be in the wheel chair for 4-6 weeks. You will need to work with a physical therapist to insure that you have adequate mobility for healing. You should be able to bike on a stationary bike and possibly swim even during the early stages of recovery, however pain management will be crucial for you. You are medicated and in shock right now, but the pain will be quite bad, and likely difficult to manage."

The whole time the doctor was talking, I was crying. I can't believe how quickly all my happiness was stolen from me. Now I need a wheel chair, and will be practically helpless. I looked up pathetically. How will I shower? How can I get dressed? How can I even get into bed or use the toilet? Will I be able to stay at Eastern? I couldn't speak. All I could do was cry. I guess it was all too good to be true.


	11. Waiting for the day

**Crickets Chirping, I know it has been a while. A long, long, time.**

**Chapter 11**

I cry and cry, with my mom doing the best she could to comfort me. She and my dad decide I should have the surgery at the hospital closer to home, so they can be with me during my hospital stay. Dr. Banner has privileges at that hospital, too, so he would still do the surgery on my leg. They will transport me to the other hospital by ambulance tomorrow, and do the surgery soon after I arrived. Then I would be several days recovering at the hospital, and Dr. Banner would decide when to release me to my mom once they got set up for me there. I would be able to take my last finals as take-home. My mom thought I would be okay if I took the spring semester off and the summer to fully recover, then I could go back to school next fall. She calmly discusses these details with the doctors and with my dad while I numbly watch from my hospital bed. Finally, there is a tap at the door. I was praying that Emmett or Edward would come and sit with me, but instead it is two police officers. I give them a mumbled account of how I got in between two men fighting, and it was an accident, and faked my way through being too dopey to think of any details about the other people involved in the fight. The female police officer tells me she will come back alone to take my official statement, but because of my medical prognosis, it might be as long as a week before the statement could be official as it does not seem I am in imminent danger. She takes some of my belongings into evidence and gives me her card. The officers leave, with the door open behind them. My mom did not leave my side, and I am really impressed with her. I told her to please go get a cup of coffee or something and give me a minute to rest. I needed to think about everything that happened for a minute. The hospital room feels like a constant chaotic circus, with all these people coming in and out and I am propped up like a ragdoll. On the bright side, something about the pain medication they gave me is really doing something awesome- it is like I knew I was in pain, but I forgot to care or something like that. I am kind of spinning in my bed in my head when I notice a tall figure in the doorway- Jacob Black. He is just standing there, looking at me. I am all the sudden conscious of my gaping hospital gown, and the disgusting catheter filling with yellow fluid clipped to my bedside. Once he sees that I notice him, he walks up to my bedside, with his hands up signifying he means no harm. What does it matter now? The damage is done. I let him approach.

"What are you doing here?" I whisper, barely able to get the words out.

"I had to check on you" Jacob said. "I was so worried about you, I knew you were seriously injured and that it was because I fell on you, I feel responsible."

"Um, you are responsible, but not because you fell on me! Because you held me against my will and put me literally in the middle of your stupid feud with my friends! Just leave me alone, I am not on your side." I grit out the words, teeth clenched, tears threatening.

"Listen, I want to help you recover. I talked to your mom in the hall, she said she is taking you home after surgery. My dad lives right in the next neighborhood. I am not doing anything these days, I want to run errands for you and take you to your appointments and carry you upstairs at your house, whatever you need from me until you recover from the surgery and are mobile again. I can't believe the way I treated you last night. That is not the way I was raised at all. I have never ever put my hands on a woman like that. It was the only way I could get back at those guys, and I kind of forgot that you are a person. It wasn't that long ago that I was in a hospital bed just like you are now, and I know how it feels to recover from something like this. Please just let me help you. I won't be able to live with myself any other way. The whole scene keeps running through my head and I think I might lose my mind." Now he is standing close to my bed as he rambles on and on about everything he will do for me and my family. His voice is kind of soothing and I start to drift off to sleep. My medicated dreams of Edward and my happy life at college are forefront while I struggle through the long night, and I am vaguely aware that my mom and Jacob are in my room all night long, making plans for how they will manage my recovery. In the morning, when they get me and all my gear into the ambulance, Jake is still there and gives my mom the high sign-

"I will meet you all in the family waiting room once Bella is admitted for surgery" and he reaches down and gives my mom a hug.


End file.
